Forgiveness Acknowledges the Hurt. A number of people think that forgiveness means pretending that the indiscretion did not cause mental pain. Failing to acknowledge the sadness of your partner's breach of trust is like suffering from a toothache but resisting to go to the dentist. You ought to admit to yourself and to your partner that you are all torn up. Being forthright about your pain can be just the push your partner needs to participate in the healing and restoration. During the confrontation you must impart in no uncertain terms that your better half's affair had distressed you extremely, perhaps beyond repair. By acknowledging that you are hurt, you are in a position to exercise forgiveness.
Forgiveness Releases the Offense and the Offender. This will inevitably take a bit of time. Questions must be asked and answered candidly. Emotions need to be experienced and communicated in an honest manner. This will not take place overnight but in time you will be able to forgive. Does your spouse deserve forgiveness? Maybe or maybe not. Will it be easy? No, it will be hard. Releasing your partner means electing not to chastise him or her, not to seek retaliation, either publicly or hush-hush and not to require retribution for what he or she did. You will get a gigantic payoff when you let your partner of the hook and both you and your spouse are the recipients.
Forgiveness Relinquishes Resentment. Resentment is an internal devil that roars hateful suggestions like, "Get back at him/her" or "Don't ever forget what he/she did to you". In order to let go of the breach of trust, you need to let go of the resentment. Resentment feeds bitterness and it will prevent you from healing. It weakens our sense of understanding and undermines the healing of our hearts.
Forgiveness Is an Act of Grace. Forgiveness is primarily an action of grace, a gift of love. You can't work for grace. You can't jump through the right hoops to earn it. You can't polish your performance in order to lay claim to it. Grace is just a gift. Forgiveness means allowing your spouse a second shot, not because he or she deserves it, but because you decide to extend grace to your partner.
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